The one with the swimming
by Foxie5221
Summary: The gang all go swimming. Main focus is on Monica and Chandler but the others all feature. Set early season 5, before anyone knows.
1. Chapter 1

Hey, you know what's a great idea?"

Joey and Chandler were sitting in their BarcaLoungers. Baywatch had just finished so Joey was still a bit fired up, contrasting sharply with his more sedentary roommate who was doing the newspaper crossword; ever since his first night with Monica even the running lifeguards had lost their appeal. It was 6 o'clock, 2 hours before their scheduled rendezvous and he was having to try really hard not to fidget in anticipation. In fact, they would usually already be across the hall but he knew that if he waited it out for long enough Joey would get bored and go looking for some feminine entertainment outside. That way the only person they had to be cautious of was Rachel, although a melancholy Ross on a nocturnal wander was always a risk.

"What's a great idea?" He asked disinterestedly.

"We should all go swimming."

Considering Joey's last "great" idea had been the strip poker, this one wasn't too terrible.

"Yeah, and then all the girls will have to be topless!" Joey continued.

And the intelligence was short lived.

"You do understand it's different for girls?"

"Nah," Joey dismissed this apparently ludicrous idea that girls didn't constantly flash when they went swimming, causing Chandler to raise his eyebrows practically into his hairline.

"I'm gonna go tell the girls."

"No-" Chandler began but Joey was already gone, along with his hopes for his evening.

-

Surprisingly, as it had been suggested by Joey, the girls agreed and they all met outside the sports park. It suddenly occurred to Chandler that this would be the first time any of them would see each other like this apart obviously from him and Monica and Ross and Rachel. And presumably Ross and Monica although he preferred not to think about that. Ever.

Once they'd changed, and Joey's idea that they went in the unisex room together was soundly rejected, they met by the edge of the pool. As should have been expected, Rachel was wearing a barely decent skimpy bikini which had Joey nodding appreciatively while poor Ross just didn't know where to look. Monica was wearing the same red bikini she'd had at Montauk during the jellyfish incident, something else he preferred not to think about. Ever.

Joey and Ross were just wearing shorts but he doubted anyone had noticed because everyone, including Monica much to his horror, was staring at him. He fiddled with his swim shirt nervously.

"Why're you wearing that?" Rachel asked.

"Because I'm cold?" He tried.

"How can you be cold, it's like a million degrees in here."

Before he could think of an answer, Phoebe emerged, thankfully diverting everyone's humiliating attention.

She was wearing a full length wetsuit, complete with rubber ring, armbands, flippers and a snorkel.

"What on earth are you wearing Pheebs?" Rachel asked in disbelief.

"Well I've never been swimming before and the lady in the charity shop said this is what you wear."

A million one liners were flashing through Chandler's head but he kept quiet to keep the attention on Phoebe.

Her bizarre ensemble had even bought Ross out of his gloominess and the twice divorcée was looking the most cheerful he had in weeks.

"Hey, if you're cold there are some jacuzzis over by the kids area." Monica suggested.

He caught onto her meaning immediately and had to struggle to suppress his joy. After Joey had run across the hall, Rachel had invited over the girls and Ross. Naturally, everyone had stayed over until half ten, meaning his long anticipated night with Monica had turned into his usual night of trying to sleep in an empty bed while blocking out the disturbing noises of Joey dreaming about heaven knows what. That wall between their rooms was far too thin. Between then and today, work and the sociable nature of their group had meant they hadn't had a minute to themselves. The thought of being alone in a jacuzzi with Monica was exceptionally appealing.

"Hey did you say there was a kids area?" Joey asked.

"Yes, why?" Monica asked suspiciously.

"Two words." Joey said "single, mums."

"Well then, me and Pheebs are gonna go to the main pool away from Mr Paedophile over here." Rachel decided.

"What'll it be Ross, creepy or crazy?" Chandler quipped, having finally regained some of his mojo with the promise of some alone time with Monica.

"You can be my wingman." Joey offered generously.

"Ok." Ross reluctantly accepted.


	2. Chapter 2

"Isn't this romantic?" Monica whispered, as they sat together in the bubbling water.

Unfortunately the jacuzzi was still in eyeshot of Joey and Ross so they were unable to do anything other than talk but after a week of constant interruptions even this was a luxury.

"Mm." Chandler agreed, leaning back and putting his arm around her back, under the water and out of sight.

"So why are you wearing the shirt, I know you've got nothing to hide." She added cheekily, dancing her fingers across the back of his hand.

"I just hate being, you know, almost naked in public."

"Come on sweetie, literally every man in the building's just got trunks on."

"I guess." He conceded reluctantly. "I just wish I could wear a bikini."

An extraordinary noise erupted from Monica as she struggled to keep her mirth from her boyfriend. Thankfully, he looked just as alarmed.

As he watched the tears of laughter gather in her eyes he said, with a mournful inevitability, "I said that out loud didn't I."

Monica had finally composed herself but was still unable to speak so she merely patted him on the back and nodded, still teetering on the edge of hysteria.

"Why?! Why do I do that?"

"Don't worry Sweetie, I still love you." Monica comforted him, having finally composed herself.

"Mm." He agreed doubtfully, with a rueful smile.

The secret couple linked hands and proceeded to give each other gooey looks, then Monica broke away.

"Hey, isn't that Carol and Susan?"

Chandler looked over to where she was pointing. "Man is Ross having a bad day."

-

Chandler was right; Ross was indeed having a bad day. In fact, most people would describe it as terrible. The sight of Rachel in that tiny bikini had not been a good start. And now Joey was rapidly steaming his way towards some sort of record for the most women insulted in 20 minutes.

He was starting his latest attempt right then, striding through the shallow water of the baby area to a woman with identical blond twins and no wedding ring. Ross sat by the blue whale fountain and watched on with apprehension. Surely Joey couldn't mess this one up, just comment that the 5 yr old girls were identical and a conversation would surely follow.

"Hey." He said to the mother, who smiled up at him.

"Hey." She replied giggling a bit.

"God, you must have had them when you were 25."

Ross winced, that woman definitely did not look like she was 30. Judging by her reaction, he was right.

"I am 25!" She exclaimed, standing up angrily and ushering her daughters away.

Ross stood up wearily and decided that that was enough of Joey for one day when a little boy suddenly crashed right into him.

"Woah!" He gasped, jumping back. But then he realised who the kid was.

"Ben!" Oh no but that meant…

"Oh hey Ross." Carol waved at him as she went to pick up Ben. He couldn't see any sign of her wife, maybe it wouldn't be so bad…

"What're you doing in the kid area?"

"Hello Susan." He said sullenly. "I'm…"

It would not be a good idea to tell them that he was here with Joey who was hitting on, and offending, single mums.

"I'm just watching the kids."

"Dude, that's creepy."Joey said, appearing behind him. Ross had often thought that Chandler was a bit too short tempered with Joey. But at that moment he definitely felt sympathy for the man, who'd had many a possible romance ruined by his roommate's inopportune comments.

"Well, we'll leave you to it." Susan said sweetly.

He responded with an equally snarky smile.


	3. Chapter 3

This whole exchange had been witnessed by a very amused Monica and Chandler, who were having to occasionally duck underwater to shriek silently with uncontrollable laughter.

"How does that man get more women than I do?" Chandler wondered disbelievingly, still chuckling.

In answer Monica raised her eyebrows and stared daggers at him.

"I know right." He agreed, breaking off with a yelp when she pinched him in the place that hurts.

"You have a girlfriend!" She admonished.

"Yes I do." He grimaced "She is lovely and not at all violent."

She let go with a satisfied smirk.

"Long as it's clear."

"Painfully so." Chandler assured her with a wince.

"We should probably get out now, that family's giving us the evils."

-

They met up with Rachel and Phoebe in the main pool. A morose Ross and indignant Joey soon joined them.

"I can't believe none of the mum's agreed to go out with me."

"Yeah. Presumably quite insecure women love being told they look old. It's truly astonishing." Ross said angrily.

"Aw, stop being such a grumpy cat." Phoebe said, patting Ross on the shoulder and making a weird squeaky sound as her armbands rubbed against her wetsuit.

""Grumpy cat?" questioned Chandler while Rachel sniggered.

"Because he looks like a cat." Clarified Phoebe.

"Of course." Chandler deadpanned.

"Hey look, there's no line, let's go on the slides." Monica suggested.

"No thanks." said Rachel "I'm gonna do some lengths."

The rest of them, however, agreed.

-

"I'm going on the ring slide." Monica said "What about you guys?"

"That looks too fast." Phoebe said shaking her head, "I'm gonna go on that red one."

"I'm not sure you're gonna fit Pheebs "Chandler mused doubtfully, reviewing her extreme attire.

"I'm going in the red one. There's a hot girl in the queue." Joey decided.

"Hey she's got a friend, you should go with him Chandler." Phoebe pointed out excitedly.

"Why not me?" Ross whined.

"You're married!" Phoebe exclaimed.

Ross just sighed and waded away to contemplate his single/married/twice-divorced status.

"So, how 'bout it?" Joey asked.

"She's um, not really my type." Chandler stalled ineptly.

"Hot's not really your type?" Joey questioned.

"Phoebe why don't you go on the green slide, there's lots of kids in the line and it's wide enough." Monica interjected, as Chandler flashed her a grateful smile.

"Ok." She said excitedly.

They all trudged up the stairs to their respective slides.

-

Thankfully the queues were quite short and Monica, Chandler and Phoebe were soon near the top. Unfortunately for the clandestine lovers, Phoebe had been next to them the whole time so they hadn't been able to even talk privately.

Chandler was usually quite sceptical of Monica's obsessive need for organisation but a schedule was beginning to sound quite appealing. At least they'd be able to see each other more than once a week.

"Your turn." The slide assistant told Phoebe.

"Oh right." She walked cautiously over to the slide but didn't sit down.

"Don't be scared." The assistant said kindly.

"Aw, that's exactly what my birth mother who killed herself used to say."

Monica and Chandler smothered back giggles at the assistant's terrified face.

"Just grab it and push," He said uncertainly.

"That's exactly what my father used to say when I was helping him into his corset."

Monica groaned at the thought. "That's it, I'm going first."

-

She whizzed down in her ring and then had the joy of watching Phoebe inch her way down until she came to an excruciating stop.

"Woah!" Her blonde friend said as she staggered out of the splash zone, "What a rush!"

"You barely made a ripple." Monica said with her hands on her hips.

Suddenly a high-pitched shriek pierced the air and Chandler rocketed into view.

He crashed into the landing pool and the ring spun round in a frenzied circle. Monica was screeching with laughter and Phoebe had doubled over.

"Wow!" Phoebe managed as he came over. "Who'd have known you had such a feminine sceam?"

"I do not." He said indignantly, turning to Monica, "Do I?"

She nodded wordlessly.

"Oh that's just brilliant." He grumbled.

"Who's got a feminine scream?" Asked Joey, who'd just come over from the other slide.

"Chandler." Phoebe explained usefully.

"Oh yeah, when we first watched that movie about the ghost…"

"Please stop talking." Chandler interrupted. Much to his horror, he could see that Monica was finding this all hilarious. He was going to have to set her straight later; he didn't want a repeat of the jewellery box incident.

"I think it's time to get out now." Monica noticed.

"We've still got 10 minutes though." pointed out Phoebe.

"I know but we can't be late out because then we'd not have paid enough and then we'll be breaking the rules!" Monica answered, her speech growing in pace and volume.

"Ok then, let's get out." Chandler said, before his girlfriend started handing herself in to lifeguards.

-

Chandler and Monica were the first to change so they waited outside for their friends.

"I never got to tell you, but you look very sexy with wet hair." Monica whispered.

"Oh do I?" He replied, with unprecedented confidence.

"Uh huh." She leaned in…

"Joey! Oh it's Joey! Hey Joey!"

"Hey Chandler, shame about the tops eh?"

Monica fixed the boys with a stern expression.

"You don't want to know." Chandler clarified.

"No, I really don't." his amazing, hot, sexy, beautiful, secret girlfriend agreed.


End file.
